I'm too Jealous

Today was fine, to an extent. I am living in California with my parents for the time being and Ryan is still in Michigan, our hometown. I am 19 and he will be 18 on August 13. So, we have been trying to keep this relationship strong even after almost three years and the distance is not helping.

Today's fight was really my own fault. Ryan wanted to watch a movie with a friend, alone, and at their house. Simple enough, right? Nope! This friend of ours is known for preying on people for sex. I have slept with him, and so has Ryan...after I convinced him it was fine. Still, knowing that Ryan was going to be near him in the dark living room... not pleasant. So I asked him not to.

Ryan exploded. He had every right to. I have no reason to be jealous or worried. Ryan has never strayed from our relationship, I on the other hand have. I have been the one to make all the mistakes when it came to guys. I don't know why I have such huge issues with trusting people, and I wish that I didn't.

It ended up being that Ryan canceled the plans even though I said I would feel better if they saw the movie at Ryan's house. Since there they would be under the watchful eye of his overly-protective parents. That's when he stopped talking to me.

Before you think that is normal, let me explain. Ryan has never stopped talking to me over anything! He has never been so mad at me, and he says it was because I violated his freedom. I understand where he's coming from, but what am I supposed to do? My stomach literally churns as I think of what could happen. I cannot ignore that feeling and I can't stand it either. So...I feel I had no option but to beg him not to go over there.

It took me calling several times, playing our song as I asked questions about how we met and our first kiss, to soften him up. Finally with a public (myspace) apology, he came through. Thank God!

Normally I would never beg someone for anything, let alone to talk to me. I just figured if I always make Ryan chase me when I get pissed, then maybe I could do the same for him. Ugh, this fight was not easy, especially because he was right. Still I'm really wishing I could get over my issues. Any suggestions?